


Pacific Jedward

by Rii



Category: Jedward, Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 23:50:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rii/pseuds/Rii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Kaiju is headed to the UK, and the only Jaeger pilots that can stop it are Jedward!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pacific Jedward

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to Jedward, whom I can't hate in any way possible.
> 
> Inspired by this tweet: https://twitter.com/ihaveeczema/status/402407465733476353

The Kaiju’s code name was Iceberg.  It was a bizarre-looking thing, even for a Kaiju, like a horseshoe crab crossed with a manta ray, all wriggling legs under a flat back.  And against all scientific reasoning and expectation, it was heading towards Britain.

Its slow, laborious journey towards the isle caused no small amount of panic; the chief worry was that a new breach had opened in the Atlantic Ocean, but the research teams sent out to look into it -- carefully avoiding the advancing Kaiju, of course -- found that the Atlantic floor was as breach-less as ever.  

After a while, the only option was to accept that the thing had come from the Pacific after all, swimming north for whatever reason, slipping under the ice above Canada, and arriving at its current destination.  

Why it was after England and not, say, Alaska or Russia, as expected, nobody could say.  Observations classified it as a mere Category 1, and with its speed taken into account, theories popped into existence about Iceberg being something of a sneak attack upon the unsuspecting population center.

Of course, it was moving so slowly and had been detected so early, that whatever sort of sneak attack that it was intending couldn’t have been that effective.  Beyond that, any sort of boat or helicopter that got close was swatted at lazily by a tentacle, regardless of if any damage was done.  Iceberg seemed to have no other purpose but to swim forward and ignore everything else.  Had it not been so remarkably resistant to bombing, it would probably have been destroyed much earlier.

Debate raged over what to do with it.  Jaegers were needed far more urgently on the Pacific coasts, obviously, and even though Iceberg was moving about as slowly as its name, it was highly doubtful that a new one could be built in time to defend the British coast.  The amount of time and effort it would take to fly a Jaeger there, the enormous fuel costs besides, was also a miserable factor.

Certain scientists -- led chiefly by one Dr. Geiszler -- petitioned enthusiastically to send a team to collect tissue samples from the living Kaiju, since it seemed “pretty chill” and “probably wouldn’t mind us being there.”  Despite the scientific merit behind the requests, they were mostly unanimously denied.

The cheapest and safest option seemed to lie in the conventional military.  Since it was only a Category 1 -- it was smaller and less violent than any Kaiju that had come before it -- it was theorized that the strategic application of firearms would be used, and barring that, nuclear weaponry -- far enough from the coast to keep fallout to a minimum, naturally.  Her Majesty’s finest battleships assembled in a blockade around the country, ready and waiting for the Iceberg.

But the United Kingdom had a secret weapon.  One that even the government didn’t know about.

They’d assembled in secret. Transmitting messages over airwaves and soundwaves and data, they knew that, someday, their time would come.

And that time had come.

An ex patriat living in Hong Kong with particular connections to the club scene was the lynchpin.  After it was decided, all of the collected funds were wired to her, which she turned into cash and assembled in the appropriate briefcase.

These funds were then presented to one Hannibal Chau.  He mostly dealt in Kaiju remains, true, but Jaeger bits were all too commonly left behind in those battles, and he’d amassed quite the collection.  And the price for such a service here was more than reasonable.

Within the week -- during this time, Iceberg had barely advanced past Greenland -- the necessary parts was discreetly transported across China, then Russia, then continental Europe.   The miracle device was assembled in Sweden, where absolutely nobody would suspect it.

The chosen pilots had anticipated this for a long while.  Ever since the first Kaiju attack, they knew, someday, they would be called upon for duty.  They were the single most qualified pair in existence, but because their mother land was in the wrong ocean, they had missed their chance.

Until now.

They named the Jaeger Planet Susanna, after their mum.

In preparation for the drop, their suits had been decorated in stickers and well-wishes from their fans, without whom this miracle would have never happened.  The funds, the connections, the materials, all provided by the believers in the twins.

And never before would their belief be more justified.

In front of the entire world, as Iceberg approached the barricade surrounding the British Isles, Planet Susanna approached, cutting through the waters with effortless ease.  

“I hope you’re ready for this, you nasty monster,” John said, his voice echoing over the waters.

“Though if you’re not ready, that’s more than fine,” Edward added.

“Because you’re about to be JEDSTROYED!”  Their voices, ringing in perfect unison, reached the ears of everyone present, filling them with even more disbelief, if it was even possible.

Flipping a switch, the speakers in the cockpit of their Jaeger, already pulsing with dance music, broke into the opening lines of Britney Spears’ “Oops, I Did It Again.”  

And with the twins acting in perfect unison, Planet Susanna reared back and punched Iceberg square in the head, in front of the entire United Kingdom.

The poor Kaiju had no idea what had hit it, and quite literally too.

Never before, in the history of Drifting, had there ever been two souls more perfectly in alignment.  John and Edward kicked, punched, and danced all over the Kaiju, which simply had not been created to withstand the sheer amount of pain they were able to bring.  The waters glowed blue with Iceberg’s blood, and before Britney could even finish her song, the battle was over.

All over the world, jaws dropped open, eyes boggling at screens.  There had scarcely been enough time to have cameras assembled to document the battle.

Jedward had saved the day, and nobody could deny it in the least.

No other Kaiju ever dared to even approach Britain after that.


End file.
